AMAZONIAN MOVIES

I love Amazon the way I love Wal-Mart and Costco. Even with your Barnes & Noble discount card and free shipping, you can't beat the deals at Amazon.

There are some books I've been wanting to get, so I cruise over to Amazon to see what's for sale. On the home page, there is a link to a movie, starring Minnie Driver, called Portrait. Curious, I click it. I watch it. I am amazed at how bad it is.

In this comic Hollywood fable, an ugly duckling turns out to be as pretty as a picture. Minnie Driver stars as a narcissistic corporate honcho who learns a lesson--the hard way, of course--about the importance of what lies beneath.

This Madison & Vine concoction is silly, but not in a good way. (See DodgeBall) In what appears to be an attempt to emulate the cult status BMW Films, Amazon tries to hawk $200 purses and skirts with an artless re-make of a fairy tale.

Sell me stuff on the show. We're all used to it by now, but make me want it. Most of all, I have to like the show. Women want shoes after watching Sex and the City. Want, like, want, like. They go hand-in-hand. You can sell more products when viewers don't feel the need to gouge out their own eyes after an episode.