GETTING OLD

Getting old means sagging breasts, sagging scrotums, big pores and wrinkled skin, rough feet and rough elbows. Getting old means sore knees, brief sex, yawning and sneezing injuries and white hair. And it doesn't happen gradually.

I went to bed without any white hair in the front of my head. This morning, I have three! Where did they come from? Does the white hair fairy visit you and decide, "I think I'll really screw with her mind tonight."

What used to be a smooth forehead now has tiny lines and huge pores. My forehead looks like college ruled binder paper with brail punctures.

I once hurt my back for a solid day because I burped wrong. I burped wrong! How does that happen? Okay. I know how that happens, but when was the last time you burped so wrong that you threw out your back for an entire day?

Aging is a universal issue, but I have to ask, "Why me? Why me? Oh lordy, lordy, why me???"

Now I know why Greta VanSustern got plastic surgery.